Phoenix

October 30, Thursday

If you’ve read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey from cover to cover and back again, you might be familiar with Habit 2’s Go for the Goal Key No. 4: Use Momentous Moments. In case you’re not, here’s an excerpt to help you understand my point better:

Certain moments in life contain momentum and power. The key is to harness these moments for goal setting. Things with starts and finishes or beginnings and ends carry momentum…

Often tough experiences can carry momentum. Are you familiar with the myth of the phoenix bird? After every lifespan of 500 to 600 years, the beautiful phoenix would burn itself at the stake. Out of the ashes, it would later rise, reborn. In like manner, we can regenerate ourselves out of the ashes of a bad experience. Setbacks and tragedies can often serve as a springboard for change.

If the last semester wasn’t a major setback, then I don’t know what it was. I welcomed my sophomore year wholeheartedly, excited as usual that a new AY was about to start (drat my Aries-ness!), but I ended it with low spirits. Really low spirits. Like OMG-did-that-sem-flit-by-or-is-it-just-me bottom. And yeh, my grades are bad.

Of course, I haven’t seen them yet so I’m merely assuming the worst.

Nevertheless, the loss of hope is something that we Aries people are not known for. Pioneering, impulsive, enthusiastic – we tackle change head on. And I swear, by witness of this blog entry, that this incoming sem, Second Sem AY 08 – 09, will not be a disappointment like its immediate predecessor.

I’m writing this merely because, “A goal not written is only a wish.” So there.

What caused this change of heart, you might ask? CD’s. Containing video clips I should have seen right after my high school graduation. (If you’re wondering why I’ve only seen them now, blame the dusty drawer where the stuff was hidden for the past two years.) The first CD has the short vid that Jee Ann made for me; it’s set against the song Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson. The second CD is the raw footage of KHS Batch 07’s actual commencement exercise c/o my Uncle Aping. I swear – and for once I am not exaggerating – they made me smile. And clap my hands like one of those seals I saw in Ocean Park.

Ten minutes. That’s all it took for me to remember why I’m studying in the first place. Why I’m trying so hard to combat laziness. Why I should want to be my best. What I’m fighting for, kumbaga. It’s to make the people I love proud, because I want them to be proud of me, because I want to do them justice.

We do well always and everywhere to serve you.

If you’re Roman Catholic you should know where that comes from.

Your Fawkes-wannabe,

sandybeaple

PS. My husband came out on TV Patrol to encourage US citizens to vote. So if you’re from the US and you’re reading this (which is highly unlikely, methinks), vote! :X

What Makes a Mother

I like to commute. It's something I never had enough freedom to fully enjoy when I still stayed in CDO. Among all the forms of transportation available in Metro Manila, my favorite is the MRT. I just love the way those large, silver machines swallow tickets. It makes me feel so... sophisticated. Haha.

Yesterday, the entire MRT3 line was jam-packed when I decided to travel. It was rush hour, see, and it didn't help that I boarded the train from a 'key area' on a Saturday. Tsk tsk tsk. Definitely a bad combination. Three trains had already whizzed by and I was still on the platform, being jostled forward by aggressive females. (Just to clarify, the MRT admin places the men in the longer compartment at the rear of the train while females, senior citizens and handicapped individuals ride the shorter compartment at the front.) Finally, when the fourth train stopped at our station, I found myself directly in front of the electric doors. Without even waiting for the push that I knew would follow as soon as the doors opened, I stepped inside the compartment.

It was sardine-can inspired, jam-packed with women, senior citizens, pregnant women, people who were considered 'fragile'. The scene was familiar to me; I always ride the front compartment. Something seemed... wrong though. Somewhere on my lower left, someone was making a shrill, irritating sound. I peeked over the shoulder of the tall man who stood at my left.

It was the first time I had seen kids in the MRT during rush hour.

It was difficult for them, I could tell. One of the kids even looked like he would throw a full-blown tantrum if his 'guardian' (the man who was at my left) hadn't ordered him to stop crying. The owner of the tinny, irritating voice was a little girl (the boy's sister, I suppose) who kept pushing herself into the gaps between people's legs, as though she was thinking, "My, how warm this feels!" Their big brother, quiet and unnaturally behaved for his height, er, age, kept pulling his siblings closer to him, as though he was fully aware of his responsibility to protect, to guard, to prevent any possibilities of his kin being squished by some unwary passenger in that train. It was cute, that scene.

What I found most amusing though was the look on the faces of the women around us. They all watched the kids' movements with faint smiles on their faces, some exchanging knowing glances, some looking wistful. Like... they wanted to have three short, puny, rowdy kids to call their own. At that moment, I didn't need a mirror to know that a smile of amusement was plastered on my face. The women, the children - they interested me.

Is it natural for women to want to have children? I've never imagined little girls and boys running around flower beds and freshly mown grass, although I have gotten to the point where I began to research baby names for 'the future generation'. And urgh, I'm not even the most loving person on the planet. How is it that I get the urge to interact with kids, no matter how much they terrify me? Is it because I'm an only child... am I that desperate for companionship? Or is it hormones?

What drives women to want children???

"You Shouldn't Do That!"

... was what Ma'am Toby Melissa Collas Monsod said to our class when she discovered that she taught most of the people in my Micro class both Econ 101 and Econ 102. She's right; it was sick to choose a 1-3PM class (Econ 102 - Microeconomics) AND a 3-5PM class (Econ 101 - Macroeconomics) on the same day, in the same room, under the same teacher. But I've never been good at arranging my class schedule - some acute suicidal attempt like this was bound to happen. Not that I consider studying Econ much of a near death experience. It's actually fun. It stimulates mental exercise, as Ma'am Monsod enjoys pointing out every now and then.

The issue, however, is that I'm a bit weak at remembering the stuff I learn in class. I like to think my comprehension is quick and somewhat accurate, but my memory is an entirely different matter. Which is ironic, considering that my plans after graduating include getting into Law school. Hmfph. We'll see if I'll survive the first sem.

Another reason I like Economics is that I'm right beside everyone else in terms of digesting the topics. In Statistics (the other 'nosebleed-inducing' subject I'm taking right now) I'm way behind majority of my classmates. I'm not sure if this has something to do with my intense aversion to numbers; maybe it's that or maybe I'm just too careless to be a statistician. I have a plan to cure this Math-hate of mine though. When I finally get round to using my 'English' advantage by tutoring Korean students and earn money, money, money, I'll enroll myself in Kumon. Again.

http://www.kumon.com.ph/

It worked wonders before. Why shouldn't it work now? X_X

The Fig Leaf

I’m a bit down; I got one item wrong in our Comm3 quiz yesterday. Of course, I still ended up with a perfect score, what with all the bonus points our professor so generously gave out. Still, isn’t it a tad bit disconcerting that I was this close to getting everything right? That tiny mistake kept me up all night, not exactly an irritant, more of a point to ponder…

The question was: What kind of leaf covers the privates of Guillermo Tolentino’s Oblation? I was confident with my answer; I had heard from one of my friends that the thing was a makahiya, no matter how much it didn’t look like one. Come checking time, I was reveling in the succession of correct answers I had, when all of a sudden, I got question 14 wrong. The Fig Leaf, Sir said, was the correct answer.

Fig? Do we even have fig trees in the Philippines? What on Earth is a fig leaf anyway? How is it supposed to look like? What the hell is it supposed to symbolize?

Given that I do not have 24/7 access to the Internet, and therefore, am unable to surrender myself to the often snubbed authority otherwise known as Wikipedia, I have to trust the words of my Comm3 professor. According to him, Oble originally didn’t have ‘underwear’, until time came when Tolentino had to censor it. He supposedly chose the fig leaf to occupy this very sensitive position because it had a mechanism of growing roots wherever it fell. Basically, it’s supposed to grow if it lands on soil.

Students, I think Tolentino thought, are supposed to be like that. Especially iskolar ng bayan.

Once you think about it, the analogy is perfect. Here we are, students from far flung places all over the Philippines, gathered together under one umbrella formally known as the UP. We are the best of the best (whatever that means), and we are expected to continue giving 110% in our academic endeavors, assisted by the naturally competitive, driven, intense nature of the UP environment. We are expected to serve the nation, lead the nation, be the nation in a few decades or so. But I ask: How can we do this when we aren’t given our most basic right as students? We’re supposed to worry about solving the latest Chem problem set or whatever, not losing sleep over our tuition fee problems, housing problems, lab fee problems, etc.

Consider this:

Roseanne Dy is the only other person from Kong Hua who goes to UP aside from me. We come from the same hometown, speak the same language, pay almost the same amount of tuition fees come enrollment time. I've known her for most of my life, and over the past year, I've gotten to know her more. We both applied for admission in Ilang Ilang Residence Hall, only Roshy's parents' ITR arrived at the Office of Student Housing at a later date. Due to this unfortunate event, her name wasn't listed in the first batch of accepted applicants for Ilang. She tried again.

Imagine our surprise when, after waiting for almost an entire week, the OSH management failed to produce the result of the second batch run on June 13, 2008. Frustrated students and their respective parents had to wait until Monday, June 16, to get the results of the final batch run. Oh, and guess what? Roseanne didn't make it. After several days of desperately searching a place to stay for the entire semester, she found a house in Area 2. She stays there now, together with Ana Abrillo, who's from our city, too, and Nic Nicdao. All of them live far from Manila, yet none of them were able to find a spot in any UP dorm.

...

Indeed, we are like leaves. We just fell off our trees and landed butt-first into the intricate web of college life. Whether we will be like the makahiya, shying away from opportunities that the wind blows our way, or fig leaves, able to take root whatever the situation, is up to us. If I were the same girl who left CDO after sixteen years of living everyday under the same routine, I would say there’s no doubt I’ll be the former option. But because my first few weeks as a sophomore in the Philippines’ National University have been harrowing, mind-boggling and inexplicably exhilarating at the same time, I’m open to the possibility of becoming a fig tree: resilient, steadfast, strong in spirit and ready to journey wherever the wind blows.

Sarvi, Sarvi

Deviating from the Norm! Am posting a survey! Thanks, Has!

1. Ano ang student number mo? Gusto mo ba ito?
~ 2007-19038! Yup, gusto ko siya... napaka...random. Nyeargh.

2. Magbigay ka ng tatlong course sa UP Diliman na hindi mo talaga alam kung ano ang pinag-aaralan nila. Pwedeng magbigay ng rason kung bakit.
~ sports science, L arch. just wondering if kailangang athletic ka para mag-aral ng sports sci. tsaka sa L arch, pwede rin bang magdesign ng bahay?

3. Meron ka bang araw na wala kang break? Anung technique ang ginagawa mo para makakain ka?
~ nooo. di ako mabubuhay pag walang break. nuh-uh, nuh-uh.

4. Alam mo ba kung saan ang Teletubby Land? [Yung totoo, bawal bumase sa pinagkuhanan ng survey na ito]
~ Yup! Nasa Math! Hahaha! ;D

5. Nakakita ka na ba ng nagpi-PDA? Sa AS? As in sa AS Entrance? In Broad Daylight? In front of many people? Ikaw ba yung gumagawa nun?
~ wala pa naman.

6. Naranasan mo na bang dumaan sa Beta Way? Kahit madilim na?
~ palagi aqng dumadaan dun. pero pag gabi, hindi na. reminder din yung 'memorial' dun na
hindi advisable tumambay dun after nightfall.

7. Alam mo ba na may 4th Floor ang FC?
~ wala ata. hanggang third floor lang. may rooftop ba?

8. Within the UP Campus, ano na ang pinakamalayo mong nalakad?
~ kalai to Math annex.

9. Nakakuha ka na ba ng Freshie Subject Combo Meal? [Geog1 + Comm3]
~ nope. ;(

10. Sa tingin mo, bakit concealed ang profs sa Math?
~ kasi walang mageenlist sa mga terror prof. or yung mga desperado lang.

11. Nakakuha ka na ba ng Math prof na out-of-this-world?
~ wala naman. pero yung prof ko ng Math17, mahilig sa transformers...

12. Natatakot ka ba sa tumutunog na kuryente sa tabi ng EEE building?
~ exciting nga eh. di ko siya napansin at first hanggang tinuro siya sa akin nung ECE friend ko...

13. Ilang individual libraries na ang napuntahan mo within Up Diliman? Isa-isahin.
~ main lib (ss, sils, gen ref, filipiniana), cal, educ, science, econ.

14. Nakanood ka na ba ng Oblation Run? At namukhaan na isa doon ay kaklase mo?
~ yup. timing na right after Math 100 siya. may mga classmates akong nakita... pero hindi yung tumatakbo. hehe!

15. Nakakita ka na ba ng Atenean na nakatambay sa UP Campus? At naki-sit in sa klase niyo?
~ tumambay oo. may id strap pa silang admu. pero sit-in sa class....

16. Nakakita ka na ba ng artista na nag-aaral sa UP? Saan?
~ richard gomez, sa cnb lobby for theater arts workshop. alessandra de rossi sa mang larry's isawan. bruce quebral at joaqui mendoza sa SC.

17. Sa tingin mo, ano ang pinakamahirap na subject sa UP?
~ math? kahit saan naman mahirap yun eh.... pero sa totoo lang, mahirap lahat ng subjects dito.

18. Alam mo ba na tumutunog ang Carillon?
~ yup. naririnig ko siya all the way from cal, habang nasa eng 12 class ako.

19. Nakapasok ka na ba sa College of Music? Kwento mo naman.
~ yup, voice lessons. nyahahaha.

20. Nagpapic ka na kay Oble? Kung oo, confident ka ba na gagraduate ka?
~ gusto ko sanang i-try pero.... wala akong kasama eh. misery loves company!

21. May College Shirt ka ba? Anu design?
~ econ? yup. yung batch shirt namin na may 'always in demand not enough supply'. tsaka yung defy convention shirt ng econ. pero masyadong malaki yun.

22. Naranasan mo na bang mag 1vs100 sa CRS?
~ yeaboi! pe, pe, pe!

23. Naglalaro ka ba ng Guess the Course/Spot that Freshie kapag wala kang magawa habang tumatambay sa AS? Isinasabay mo ba ang Girl/Boy Hunting sa larong ito?
~ guess the course, oo, pero habang nglalakad... boy hunting...? nah.

24. Nangungulekta ka ba ng Kule? Ano ang favorite section mo dito?
~ iniipon tapos pinapadala sa high school ko para mashock yung Sisters sa pagkaliberated ng mga isko at iska. haha. love ko yung return to sender tsaka yung txtbak.

25. Sino ang pinakastriktong guard sa UP na nakilala mo? Yung hindi mo talaga matakasan na wala kang ID?
~ yung lady guard sa math ;D

26. Nakukulangan ka pa ba sa ruta ng Ikot at Toki Jeep? Anung gusto mong ibahin sa ruta nito?
~ okay lang naman. naglalakad kasi ako so...

27. Natatakot ka ba sa mga tingin ng mga nangangampanya tuwing Elections? Bakit?
~ nakakatuwa nga sila eh. ;D

28. May bura ka na ba sa Form 5 mo? Anu yon?
~ yung mobile phone number ko. kailangan kasi sa econ. palaging kong nasusulat sa wrong place.

29. Nagkaprof ka na ba na laging wala sa klase tapos tinadtad kayo ng make-up classes sa end ng sem? Sino?
~ wala naman. pero palagi kaming nagmemake up classes sa math.

30. Alam mo ba kung saan ginagawa ang Blue Book? Gusto mo bang magventure sa business na ito?
~ erm. di na siguro. sa kanila nalang yan.... hindi ba sa up press? or sa out-of-school contact ng coop?

Sandy's Worst Memory

May 4, 2008 ~ Sunday ~ 8:56 PM

Listening to playback of Dahil Mahal na Mahal Kita

Ophelia,

Was walking down the overpass yesterday. For the first time in a couple of months, I was actually wearing a skirt. A cute one - literally. Too bad it was a windy day, really. Damn.

To think this happened in Philcoa.

My subconscious will never let me live this down,

Beaple Leone Michaelmas

check out my multiply page ;D

May 2, 2008 ~ Friday ~ 6:42 PM

Alone in 122 Again

Ophelia,

Okay. I understand that I update too much. But is it really a sin to be vain and nurture a constant desire to just keep the words pouring out like ink from a dysfunctional fountain pen? Nuh-uh. I should think not.

So. Voice lessons earlier were not so great. I was fifteen minutes late, but not because I didn’t get there on time. Actually, I got to the building five minutes before my schedule, so I decided to just walk around and wait for my teacher outside Room 211. When it was already eight AM, I knocked on the door. No response. I assumed she was just a bit late or something. So I waited and waited, singing my pieces to myself all the while. And then I heard a piano playing in Room 211, and I realized ‘Cripes, that’s my classroom.’ Thankfully, my teacher still let me in, despite the tardiness. She wasn’t very happy though, I could tell.

I don’t think I made it better by messing up my notes. I just can’t get the bloody diphthongs right. And my lungs are so weak I can hardly extend the notes to sound good. Ala Broadway.

So anyway, we didn’t have bowling class ‘cause the workers at the alley were out on their annual field trip or something. It was okay though, because I still had Pan Pil…

We watched Dogma. It deconstructs the Catholic Church, but honestly, I think watching it helped me built my Faith. I dunno. I can’t explain it. But it was certainly the opportunity, the avenue to discover that I had been praying for to the Virgin Mary. Although it mocks most of what I’ve been taught all my life and would appear very twisted if one passes judgment based on the dialogue, it moved me. Seriously. Maybe you should watch it.

Have decided to call current writing project One Proverbial Summer,

Beaple Leone Michaelmas

PS I saw my ex-English teacher again. I was just folding my umbrella (it was scorching hot earlier) and making my way towards the building where my Pan Pil class is when I looked up and saw a familiar face drift by. At first I didn’t react. Then my instincts kicked in, and I asked myself, “Was that…?” Guess what? He was smiling again. Or grinning, actually. Broadly. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he’s always grinning when I see him. Could he be laughing at me or something? Nyah. Just you wait, Sir. Just you wait.

PS Again. One of my friend’s mom’s visited her today. Watching them, I felt sort of lonely. I dunno. I’ve always thought I’d dumped by emotional side the moment I graduated high school, but apparently, that’s not the case. I called home. Exchange a few pleasantries with my Manang, asked about the fiesta and all. It turned out my mom was in Bohol, ‘cause it’s also fiesta there, so I only got to talk to my dad. Which was great, in any case, because we don’t really talk. And I asked him about the rice crisis, asked him about work, asked him about the dog, asked him if he was gaining weight. And then I got off the phone and texted my mom, telling her not to eat too much lechon. I feel sad. Hmfh. That’s strange.