peter pan pains

April 30, 2008 ~ Wednesday ~ 5:49 PM
Purposefully missed Top 5 at 5

Ophelia,

Am too obvious to be real. Remember that group mate I told you about? The (eep!) cute one? Just made a fool of myself in front of him earlier this afternoon. Gawsh, he was sitting across me again and I spent our entire Peter Pan Meeting trying not to look at his eyes without appearing uncomfortable. Except I was exceptionally conscious, so I guess it must have soon. I wonder if he knows? Hmmm. Probably wouldn’t matter much. Some freshie feeling awkward in his presence won’t count much; perhaps he’s used to being fawned over all the bloody time.

I wonder if he attended his graduation without shaving? Hmmm. The rugged-look kind of clashes with ceremonies of most sorts.

Anyway, I’m having trouble writing my story. Yet again. I just realized earlier the plot I have in my head is kind of lame. Not just kind of but really. Too gasgas, if you get my drift. Either way, if you don’t, at least try to understand that I’m having trouble writing. Yet again. Urgh. So redundant.

Oh yes. It turns out my professor isn’t Bob Ong. At least that’s what my group mate said (yes, the infamous one). Still, I mustn’t be too gullible. Or otherwise. Basta.

To anyone who’s reading, what do you think about this: the most effective form of writing is one that resists dominant cultures in the society. Without resistance or deviance, there is no tension, there is no excitement, your writing will lack the so-called “X-factor”.

What do you think? I know some people believe in Art for Art’s Sake, but most classes I’ve attended take the more ‘purposeful’ side and insist that Art must have a clear goal. And I’m just wondering ‘cause most of the time I write for writing’s sake, you know? Just like one of my room mates, who writes about food and dinosaurs just because she feels like it. Only once have I tried to write with ‘resistance’ in mind and I found the experience harrowing. Nyeargh.

Your thoughts?
Beaple Leone Michaelmas

phones and drain bamage

April 29, 2008 ~ Tuesday ~ 7:52 PM
Papa’s 51^st

Ophelia,

I feel like such a self-righteous prat. I called home just a few minutes ago, and I got my Manang on the line. And when she picked up, instead of saying pleasant things like, “O Manang, wazzup?” I just said, “Manang is Pa home?”

If I was on the other end of the line, I’d bust a nerve. Or burst. Whichever.

Inyhoo, it turns out my dad wasn’t home. He was working overtime. On his birthday, yes. Now see where the self-righteous pratness comes from? Oops. Must not say non-positive things about Pa. He is my father after all. And he’s just turned 51. Which, I think, is enough reason for him to stop engaging in stressful activities such as working overtime on his birthday.

But moving on, moving on: my day was quite spiffing, thank you very much. My first ball for duckpin this morning actually earned me a strike! It didn’t do me much good though ‘cause I got zero points for the next frame. Still, it’s not so bad, eh? My second strike in two weeks! Perhaps sometime next week I’ll be able to land another one, hehehehe.

Also, I’m quite elated ‘cause we won’t be having Pan Pil 17 tomorrow. Not that I despise the subject, but you know, it is quite depressing to be bogged down by so much paperwork during the summer. What makes it more depressing is the fact that I actually chose to tackle the nemesis called summer classes. I wanted to be frickin’ productive! And look where it’s gotten me. I swear my eye bags have gone darker. But perhaps that’s due to reading too many fanfics. Nyeagh.

I still have to go to the classroom tomorrow though. Sir tasked our class to deconstruct some fairy tales; some groups got the Disney Classics while one got Ang Pagong at ang Matsing. As for our group, we were assigned Peter Pan. I think it’s scowl-worthy that when I went to the library in search of a copy, I found none. What kind of university library doesn’t have Peter Pan on its shelves????

Ours. Apparently.

Have decided to start reading borrowed book due tomorrow,
Beaple Leone Michaelmas

PS I saw one of my former English professors earlier. He was walking out of the building I was making my way to. I’m sure he noticed me, given that I changed my course immediately after I sensed his presence ~ just to avoid seeing him face to face. I don’t think he minds though; I was always under the impression that he thought me quite strange. Well, thank you, Sir; I think you’re quite weird, too. Utterly intelligent, but definitely different. And you’re getting stranger every time I see you. You were actually smiling earlier, Sir! I’ve only seen you smile twice before. Twice!!! Note to self: Must call classmates. Could our ex-prof be in love????

PS Again. A friend from bowling brought her recently released high school yearbook to our class earlier. She’s from an all-girls school so flipping through her yearbook was like looking at the pages of some glossy, girly magazine. Then she started pointing at some faces and saying “This one here’s a lesbian”. I was honestly quite surprised. Not because of how model-ish those girls looked like but because there were so many of them. Hmmm. Another one of those exclusive school rarities, I guess.

the reason is...?

April 29, 2008 ~ Tuesday ~ 7:39 PM
Erm.

Now this one is addressed to anyone who’s reading ~ that is, if anyone is reading:

I’m not sure you guys understand the reason behind my sudden change of preferred blog writing style. Well, except from Ma’am G who’s had years of experience with my indecisiveness. I don’t really know why my style’s differed yet again, but I do know I like it. I’m actually more comfortable talking to an imaginary person than writing for people I do know. I dunno. Just feels better when I’m talking to Ophelia. I get to write more.

By the way, Ophelia’s my laptop. Don’t ask; I don’t recall where I got her name. Yes, it’s a she. (That sounds strange to me ~ does it sound strange to you, too?) But for the record I have friends who have given their own laptops names like Periwinkle, Hamlet and Nameless. The strangest one I’ve heard so far is Laplap, or something like that.

So yes, I’m back to business after a couple of absences in the online writing scene (though I seriously doubt said absences caused repercussions with Magnitude Ultra). I actually considered just giving up this blog and finding something else to do instead. But nah, I like yakking about too much. Lets loose some steam.

For a Taurarian, that’s quite a vital exercise, methinks.

P.S. Beaple Leone Michaelmas is something I came up with in senior year. High school, yes. I’m using it to sign my blogs so that if ever I don’t accomplish my dream of being published under that pseudonym, at least I can say I got to write under that name. Figure it out. Go on.

fishball tales

April 25, 2008 ~ Friday ~ 5:39 PM
Wishing Dinner’s Available

Ophelia,

Here’s a thought that crossed my head as I was trying to come up with a coherent plot for a story I’m currently working on. Somewhere in between thinking of a good super power for one of the main characters and wondering how my first chapter should go, the strange incident that took place two nights ago jumped into my head. Like oil leaping from a frying pan.

Realizing that I was hungry after nearly three hours of surfing at Alicia’s, I proceeded to the fishball stand near the parish. It was already dark and the street lamps were casting eerie splashes of artificial light on the streets, but I felt the need to eat something aside from dinner at the dorm. I ordered 20 pesos worth of fishballs and once that was taken care of, happily ate away while the stalls around me were closing. I was alone.

That was, until this tall guy in a white polo walked over to the fishball stand. Tearing my gaze away from the last few fishballs on my paper plate, I turned to look at the newcomer. To my shock and pseudo-horror, I saw myself standing face to face with my ex-Math teacher. Yes, the cute, twenty-something professor who I think didn’t like me much thanks to my guts. Not wanting to ignore him as I had been ignoring him for the past few months (besides, it would be too overtly rude to ignore him seeing that the distance between us was practically less than a meter), I inclined my head at him in an attempt at a polite bow.

He turned away. He ordered the same thing I did. 20 pesos worth of fishballs.

Heart thumping (whether from the shock of seeing him again or from the irritation caused by being ignored, I don’t know), I turned back to my paper plate of cooling fishballs and tried to munch away in peace. But it was difficult, and after a minute that seemed like hours, I grabbed my plate and walked away. Hmf.

The moral of this seemingly senseless story is… I’m not sure. It’s certainly proof that the world is a miniscule place and one often bumps into people one would rather not see. Not that I despise my teacher or anything; I mean, I totally deserved the 2.5 he gave me at the end of the first semester. It’s just that I don’t think he likes seeing me, and I definitely feel uncomfortable seeing him, so it’s better if we don’t see each other, noh?

Really, of all the people in the university that I could have bumped into at a fishball stall, I had to bump into my ex-professor. From Math 17, nonetheless. Quite a troubling thought, considering that the last time I was within a few meters radius away from him I made an utter fool of myself. Till now, I still cringe at the memory. Brrr.

She who was never good at dealing with teachers,
Beaple Leone Michaelmas

P.S. My first ever voice lesson occurred uneventfully. Aside from the slight mishap of forgetting my wallet when I had to pay for photocopy expenses, it was an okay experience. I have been assigned to study ‘Amazing Grace’, ‘Think of Me’ and ‘All I Ask of You’. Which really sucks ‘cause the sheets I have are for ‘Amazing Grace’, ‘All I Ask of You’ and ‘Music of the Night’. Misunderstanding rides into my life far too often. Bike and all.

P.S. Again. Speaking of bikes, I almost got run over by two of them as I was strolling around the Oval earlier. My head was floating somewhere far away. Apparently, they were in the moon, because one of the bike riders scoffed, “Para kang nasa buwan (As if you’re in the moon).” I laughed.

Toodles! Poof!

suprise, surprise

April 28, 2008 ~ Monday ~ 10:53 PM
It’s that time of month

Ophelia,

Am quite pleased to report that I got a perfect ten for our Pan Pil 17 first reflection paper. I’m happy, yes, because I was actually under the impression that my professor would flay me alive for admitting that I once thought of cursing the subject he teaches. Apparently though, my teacher, good man that he is, thought I had presented my ideas quite reasonably, that I had related our lessons to aspects of my life. Insight, it seems, is very important. Even if one’s insights border on blunt.

So. I was walking along the Oval earlier when I came up with the idea of writing a teenage love story. I’ve always wanted to write one, I guess to pacify the homeless romantic kikay in me. Thing is, I did begin writing one, except I stopped. And I can’t remember my original plot anymore so I guess I’ll have to start from scratch.

And I’m actually planning to publish it. And hand it over to my good friend Melli who will be celebrating her eighteenth come July. I’m doing this because I want to give my friends something extra special on their ‘coming of age’ celebrations. Problem is, most of my friends’ eighteenth birthdays have already flitted by. So I’m making up for my lack by ensuring that my other friends who will be turning eighteen after today will get the best of what I can give.

I’m dedicating the book to Melli. I hope she appreciates it. It’s my first book after all. At least, it’s going to be.

Quite tired and sleepy,
Beaple Leone Michaelmas

PS Just finished reading a fascinating HP humor fic. It’s called The Naked Quidditch Match and although I can’t remember the pen name of the author (although she calls herself Anya) the story’s on fanfic.net if anyone wants to check it out. It’s really good. And it’s a light read.

PS Again. Yesterday morning I finished reading A Little More Time by Jess Pallas, from Mugglenet Fan Fiction or MNFF. It’s Remus/Tonks and it’s really well written. As expected from Pallas, of course. D’you know he/she (sorry, not sure as Jess goes both ways and I never bothered to check every detail in the author profile) also wrote Oblivious? That story, by the way, won Best General Fic in the first ever MNFF Quicksilver Quill Awards. So yes, Pallas is v v v good. Knows what he/she’s talking about. Definitely.

pitfalls of the literary dream

April 26, 2008 ~ Saturday ~ 11:02 PM
Yet again

Ophelia,

I’ve been typing since twelve noon. Right now, I’ve discovered that writing isn’t easy. At all. The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Creative Writing is true to its word. Or the first few pages anyway. Writing can be really exhausting. By Jove, it’s really exhausting.

Okay. My progress for Dercium Crest: The Prologue that I came up with in my head got divided into two parts, for the simple reason that I apparently wrote enough to fill eight pages of words in Verdana, Size 9. Because I’m following Pallas’ (from MNFF) chapter length, I had to cut my write-up in Page 5. That leaves three more pages of what I’ve written so far. And yes, the second part of the prologue isn’t finished yet. But because I’m feeling pumped up right now, perhaps I’ll have it done by tomorrow. Perhaps.

Now I understand why it takes months for my favorite stories to be updated online. Aside from the time allotted for editing and checking for compatibility with the host site’s policies, there is that little detail of the author’s schedule. Just think. It’s summer time here. And it’s Saturday. And I’ve been working my ass off for almost ten hours. And I can only come up with one freakin’ chapter?!

Really, it’s exhausting. Very.

Although I’m pleased to report I’ve actually written a decent first chapter. Rather, a Prologue Part One. A bit incoherent, probably, but that has always been my style. I have this tendency to ramble on and on and on without actually finishing the discussion of a certain topic. Which is a weakness on my part, but a very interesting one, don’t you think?

Pardon me. It’s the exhaustion that’s sucking up my brain cells and blending them to cerebral summer shake. It’s good fertilizer, I’m thinking.

Must I say it again? I’m exhausted.

Planning to read Pallas’ latest fan fic before I turn in,
Beaple Leone Michaelmas

pitfalls of the literary dream

April 26, 2008 ~ Saturday ~ 12:00 PM
Starving

Ophelia,

I still haven’t written the first chapter of my story. The plot and the sequencing are already in my head. My Muses haven’t paid me a visit yet, that’s all. Like Michael Vic, whose arrival I had been anticipating most eagerly. I can’t possibly have menopause at the age of seventeen, right? And I definitely, definitely cannot be pregnant. Haha!

So anyway, I spent my morning playing Pokemon Ruby. My game has progressed quite rapidly these past few days, thanks to the Walkthrough I downloaded online. After an entire morning of pressing Z’s, X’s and the Spacebars, I’m walking on Victory Road. On to the Pokemon League!

Problem is, I’ve realized my pokemon’s levels are way too low to compete. Of course, there’s no level cut-off, but given that I only have two pokemon whose levels are above 40… Well, those who’ve played the game will understand. Consequently, the same people will scoff and wonder how I’ve come so far without leveling up so high. Truth be told, I don’t know either.

Ate Tia and I watched The Other Boleyn Girl last night. It was really fascinating, although a tad too deep for a relaxing Friday Night Movie Marathon. Definitely, definitely difficult to relax while watching Anne Boleyn’s head being sliced off. Oops, spoiler? Although I’m not well acquainted with English History, it seems that the whole movie is factual. So if you’re well-read and adequately educated, you’ll most probably know how the story will turn out.

Kind of like a Walkthrough. You’re watching it, playing it, but you don’t actually feel part of it. Minimal Gaps. Which, according to Pan Pil 17, isn’t very good.

Hoping a lunch tray would drop from the sky,
Beaple Leone Michaelmas

earth day edition

April 22, 2008 ~ Tuesday ~ 4:53 PM
Happy Earth Day!

Ophelia,

The strangest things happen to me. Earlier, I was assigned to the same group as this really cute (dare I say scorching hot?) guy who kept staring at me in this strange, uncomfortable way. I’m not sure of the reason behind the stare, though it was either because I was directly in front of him or because our professor, who happens to be a good friend of his, told him of the woes I expressed in a reflection paper. All that crap about feeling bogged down by course discussions and confused each time someone mentioned the words commodity fetishism. Either way, I hope I didn’t have anything unsightly on my face. Aside from the acne, of course. They’re a given.

By the way, one of the lights in our dorm room is busted. Again. Maybe it’s a sign that I have to conserve electricity, considering it is Earth Day today. Well. Really. Is it so wrong to love my laptop so much? Besides, I think I’ve turned off enough unused lights to make up for it.

Captain Planet’s Four-Eyed Sidekick,
Beaple Leone Michaelmas

PS Nearly hit strike earlier in duckpin bowling. Too bad though, because I knocked all ten pins during my second attempt. So it’s just a spare. Nyeagh.

touring thai

April 21, 2008 ~ Monday ~ 8:08 PM
Wondering if I behaved appropriately

Ophelia,

If it’s true that life begins at seventeen and my first actions as a full-fledged teenager foretell the rest of my life, then perhaps there’s a wealth of fun in store for me. Earlier this afternoon, I was walking out of the College of Music, determined to claim a nook in the park where I could start on Ovid’s Metamorphoses, when this old lady with a digicam asked me for directions to the library. After a bit of complicated gesturing and hopeless mumbling of probably incoherent directions, I looked at her and asked myself if she actually understood what I was saying. Leaning slightly to the answer “no”, I offered (graciously, I should hope) to escort her to her apparent destination.

Imagine my shock when she said, “Okay, let’s get into the car.”

Of course, the phrasing was considerably less straightforward, but my shock was still quite immense. I was even more surprised (yet slightly excited) when she introduced me to her fellow visitors from Thailand. Okay. Let me get this straight. I’m expected to tour a group of eager tourists around the university? I’ve never done this before! I was therefore quite unsure on how to deal with her relatives, so when Miss Pim (for that was the lady’s name) asked me if I wanted to go to the restroom, I immediately jumped on the opportunity.

Thank God I did, because it was during our sojourn to the bathroom that I learned the vital details of that afternoon’s event. It appeared that she was a Business Administration student in my current school forty years ago. It also turned out that she had the luxury of touring around in a beautiful car because on of her relatives was staying in the Philippines for a reason I probably shouldn’t state for fear of getting into trouble. Most importantly, it turned out she had quite a lengthy list of ‘places to visit’ that afternoon.

So we hopped into the car (the driver turned out to be a blessing in disguise ~ a Bisaya just like myself) and began ticking off her list one by one. I actually had fun pointing out the numerous buildings to the guests, even adding a bit of history for some of them. Of all the places we visited, they seemed quite enraptured by the Engineering Building. They even had the youngest member of their group pose for pictures on those imposing stairs. It turned out he was a second-year student back home, and he was considering the idea of studying in the Philippines. Engineering, of all things.

Probably one of the highlights of my afternoon was seeing two college girls giving said young man ‘the eye’ and murmuring “Ang gwapo niya!” to themselves. Out of the corner of my eye, I actually saw one of them pulling out a digicam and aiming to freeze his pose in some place other than her memory. Unfortunately (or is it fortunately?), he moved just as she was about to do the deed. Fascinating, Filipino girls are. A rarity, I assure you.

Other places we visited include Miss Pim’s former dormitory, the swimming pool, and the shop where I got the umbrella that amused the family so much. To cap the afternoon, they had their own version of a food trip, and, before one of our school’s numerous dirty ice cream carts, we said our goodbyes. Thus was the culmination of my third afternoon as an official seventeen year old.

As I’ve told Miss Pim, I found the experience very enriching. Even though my parents would probably flay me alive for talking to and touring strangers, I wouldn’t want to have spent my afternoon any other way. True, I’m a bit too reckless and trusting, but I’ve had enough of cooping up in my dorm room and laughing my head off at entertaining albeit socially debilitating Harry Potter fan fiction. As the line from Dead Poets Society goes, “Carpe Diem. Make your lives extraordinary.” I plan to achieve just that.

Your tour guide in training,
Beaple Leone Michaelmas

P.S. I saw my former roommate this afternoon. Realized I miss my freshman year terribly, lousy grades and all. The friends I’ve made are worth the academic difficulty. Always.

Of Stat and Snape

April 12, 2008 - Saturday
9:27 PM – Rm 122, Ilang Hall
Sleepy.

Dearest Nonexistent Reader,

Instead of going home for the summer like most people I know, I’m stuck miles away from my beloved Cagayan de Oro City, taking summer classes for God knows what purpose. Because I was unable to enroll myself in a major class (like the other 70+ people who had hoped of getting that coveted seat in a Stat 101 summer class), my load now consists of one GE and one PE subject. Hmmm, let’s think. Are those worth a tuition costing thousands of pesos, the hassle of transporting one’s stuff from Novaliches to Diliman, and not being able to hop on a plane and go white water rafting with one’s friends? I sure hope so.

Anyway, enough of that. I’d like to talk about something happier. Preferably topics that don’t involve scorching midday heat, money, and the perfectly flawed contraption otherwise known as CRS Online. In other words, nothing about summer classes in UP.

So. Happy topics. Erm – I just finished rereading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows¹ earlier today. Although I didn’t cry upon reaching the last line (as I did the first time I finished it), I still felt this odd, empty emotion washing over me. I dunno. I felt like I had lost a friend. Like one of my arms had been axed off and would never be part of my anatomy again. I just felt so… sad. I think it’s because Harry has reached his end. So to speak.

Admittedly, at first, I only started reading the series out of curiosity. I remember the warm afternoon when my good friend Mary was lugging this gigantic, hardbound book to class, and I asked her what she was reading. She said ‘Harry Potter’ but I didn’t know what it was about so she began to talk about spiders that turned into whatever one feared most and stuff like that. What she said seemed like gibberish to me. But strangely, I felt drawn into it, even though I couldn’t understand the explanation at all. So the next time I visited a bookstore, and spotted a copy on the display shelf, I took it. And the rest is history. At least to me.

Point is, I’m not good at handling goodbyes. I’m not very good at dealing with people, period. That’s precisely why I value my books - and I believe yellowing, dog-eared pages and torn covers are NOT signs of neglect. My books, I’m sure, will never leave me. They don’t care if I can’t string two complete sentences without getting tongue tied or if I talk before I think or if I can’t crack a joke that any other human will find remotely amusing. They will always be there on my shelf, in my bags, in the boxes where I’ve kept them for their own protection. They will always be a part of me, and a part of me will always been in them.

To sum it up, I do not think my alternative topic was all that happy after all. It shows I see inanimate objects in an affection light, which isn’t very normal, methinks. Still I’ve written what’s on my mind as of the moment, and that is the most crucial part of blogging, no? As Gurkin, the People Punisher, from Sydney White says, “It’s not about being read. It’s about being written.”

Toodles! Poof…

¹By order of my having read them, here are the chronicles of Harry Potter’s adventures and misadventures in the Wizarding World: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. All sprung from the forehead of JK Rowling. That is, there are her – um – ‘brainchildren’. 